woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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