I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
