i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
