His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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