If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
