she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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