Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
