The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
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I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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