well I can't set my house on fire every night
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
