As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
