Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
