I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I will be naked everywhere
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
