Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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