I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
