I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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