just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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