Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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