yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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