Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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