last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
