Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
