then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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