I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
