you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
