that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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