yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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