you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She needs sedatives and a leash
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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