I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
