I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You're like the curious george of whores
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
