i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
