I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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