She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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