her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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