you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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