Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
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I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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