apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
