ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
