The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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