using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
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I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
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just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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