My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
