yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
