I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
