he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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