Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
