We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
