If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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