I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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