How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
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The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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