So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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