remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
