The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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