The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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