you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
