The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
