Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
