conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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