Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
