The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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