he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
