Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
