i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
