Swine flu. Run for my life!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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