So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
