theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
