I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
