Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he thought i was a dude.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
