I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
