he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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