this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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