Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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