I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
