Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
